Alton Sisson (Pipelayer – Salem/Portland/Bend/Redmond, OR) ✔️PROSTITUTES ✔️SEX ✔️DRUGS ✔️CHEATING MANWHORE ✔️PORN ADDICT ✔️CHRONIC LIAR ✔️HOMELESS ✔️GAMBLING ADDICT ✔️FELON ✔️F*CKS THROW AWAYS & BAG B*TCHES ✔️Tainted AF ✔️Desperate OLD ONLINE DATING WHORE

I don’t think I’m strong enough to survive the inevitable pain that’s to follow… having to watch the man i love start a life without me is going to be the death of me. The heartbreak is too much to endure. I’ve lost my purpose in life… He was my world. He consumed me. He was my happy place. He was also my terrorizer. I loved an unlove able man. I curse the heavens for allowing it. I silently wonder if my guardian angel has simply given up on me. I’m completely alone in life. My world is bleak on my best day. How I haven’t managed to slit my own wrists by now is perplexing. Bottom just never seems to come. I’m living just one footstep away from being one of those haggard, unkempt lost soles often seen behind a shopping cart full of discarded remnants of others lives. My world is freezing. The fear of the unusually huge spiders that cohabitate my dwelling keep me from restful sleep, insomnia plagues me. And food…nope. Bathroom? Not a chance in hell. Hold it or desperately look for a worthy container to fill. How have I fallen so far? Why didn’t anyone catch me? Losing him will be the death of me. What’s there left to look forward to when i know I will never fill the void he so easily walked away from and left behind without second thought. After 4.5 years I was nothing to him… the devastation is irreparable. I’m no longer fixable.

And no, I’m not just having one of those melodramatic woman moments, I have tried in the past to move on from him but it always ended the same way – they weren’t him. No matter how epic they were they didn’t measure up – he’s my person and that’s something that can be replaced. But he’s also become a person I can’t be around anymore, he’s been a shady cheater too many times to forgive. The whole thing is just devastating. Tears never seem to stop lately.

I can’t live with him and i can’t live without him.