Alton Sisson (Pipelayer – Salem/Portland/Bend/Redmond, OR) ✔️PROSTITUTES ✔️SEX ✔️DRUGS ✔️CHEATING MANWHORE ✔️PORN ADDICT ✔️CHRONIC LIAR ✔️HOMELESS ✔️GAMBLING ADDICT ✔️FELON ✔️F*CKS THROW AWAYS & BAG B*TCHES ✔️Tainted AF ✔️Desperate OLD ONLINE DATING WHORE

this chapter of my life is done. I’ll be starting a new blog under a new name soon.

Thank you to all who allowed to me to vent and self counsel my way through what ended up being the worst parts of my life. Had i not had an outlet to self- counsel my thoughts and feelings I can say with certainty I wouldn’t me alive today. Who knew that giving yourself completely to another would be so punishing in the end. from the moment i met Alton my fate was sealed. As cliche as it sounds in one quick second the universe decided i was his – spiritually, mentally, physically, hell even my cells pulsed with all that was him.. most spend their whole life looking for that undying love. I am a slave to it. Powerless to be able to shut it off. I’ve tried everything. I hate myself for it now. Loving him so unconditionally destroyed me. He exploited and broke all that I was and left me broken. The life we could of and should of had will haunt me until I die .What you don’t know is that immeasurable love doesn’t guarantee the other person won’t lie, cheat, betray, disappoint, manipulate or hurt you. In fact my love was used as a tool to hurt me in ways I honestly can properly express with words. After so many times of being savagely crippled by your love for someone you find it gets harder and harder to justify, rationalize or excuse their actions. The worst day of my life was the day I finally could clearly see past the bullshit and truly saw him for who he really is. I almost wish I was too stupid, foolish, simple minded or naive to turn a blind eye to it. Who knew being intelligent and giving all of your love to someone would be so toxic to my overall self. I’m tired. Tired of pulling one knife after another after another from my back…. there’s now so many back there I’ve got to look like a fucking human pin cushion. I’m tired of waiting for the time and affection I’ve been deprived and starved of for years… all I ever did was wait for something or someone one(s) to stop being more important than me. I waited and hoped. And waited and hoped. Pulled more knives. Still waiting and hoping. A never ending cycle that’s lasted over ten years. Just waiting and hoping. We never made an ounce of progress in life. He always had some reason, some excuse why his needs were top priority. I can’t name one day, hell not even one hour, in 10 years that he ever stopped and tried to tend to my wants or needs. Not once. 10 years of waiting for my life to start. For our lives to finally begin. After a while those hopes and dreams slowly fade. You watch everyone you know make some sort of life progress around you. Yet your life just stays stagnant, a vast void of nothingness. Eventually people quit asking what’s new with you. They can see you’ve lost the spark in your eye. No one, yourself included, can name the last time they even saw you laugh. No effort was ever made for you – not your birthday, holidays…. nothing. Never.

I’m sure alot of my posts were difficult to read. I post true to my feelings at that moment..raw, unfiltered and without apology. If you thought reading it was bad – you should of tried living it.

that’s all. There’s nothing left to say. Even if there was it would be pointless. If it’s not all about Alton. All the time, it’s insignificant. My thoughts, wants And needs don’t matter. I may as well be a rock…. unless he needs something to benefit or fix one of his endless life needs.

I’m nothing. I never was.

the end and goodbye. Xoxo 💋